So as my first post, I suppose some formal form of introduction is in order. My name is… well I’m not sure if I want to publish my name at the moment. The truth is, I am not truly sure where I want this to go yet. I have never done this before, but I have discovered that writing down my thoughts seems to help de-clutter the attic so to speak. Here is what I can tell you. I am a 31-year-old man sitting on his bed in his parent’s basement watching two peaceful pups sleep. How I wish I could be at peace like them. Things weren’t always this way. Let me explain.
On a hot summer day in August of 2015, I married the love of my life. As I stood there and watched her walk down the aisle, I was the happiest man in the world. We spent that whole afternoon and night with our friends and our family. That day seems so surreal even now. I danced like I had never danced before, I was happier than I ever could have imagined. There were even picture of me not looking like a total weirdo. We spent the next week in Punta Cana. It was so beautiful there. I wish we never left. The first four months of our marriage were like any other, I suspect. My new bride and I were not necessarily trying to have a baby, we were just letting life happen. I had the wife, the house, the dog, life was great, or so I thought. About 5 months in, my marriage began to collapse around me even though, at the time, I could not see it happening.
Fast forward to the present. I am facing a rather nasty divorce. I have been forced to move back in with my parents, sell my house, and figure out some way to rebuild my life. Which brings me to why I am here today. A couple of weeks ago I had a rather difficult day and was really struggling with everything going on in my life. I came home, grabbed my laptop, and just decided to start typing a letter to my soon to be ex-wife. Two plus hours later, I realized “Hey. This feels pretty good.”
I’ve never really been able to express myself vocally, and I never really got into journal writing or anything else. But for some reason, writing a letter (that I will never send her) really helped. I had written her long emails before when we were still “trying” to fix the marriage, but this was different. There were no rules here. I wasn’t on eggshells and I didn’t care what I said. This was for me and me alone.
After that night my interest was piqued. I began wondering if this was something people did while facing life changing things. I started researching divorce blogs and other articles. It seemed like most of them were written from woman. I didn’t find a ton of stuff from men. I thought maybe I should put this stuff out there. Hell getting it out of my brain and onto “paper” seems to help me, maybe someone else out there would benefit as well. I talked to a coworker about it, and she agreed. Maybe this is a healthy release for me. So that’s why I am here.
I will be using this page to talk about my impending divorce, rebuilding my life, finding out who I really am, and where this journey will lead me. The only thing I have planned for this is to have different stories I guess you could say. I want to have a series of “letters to my wife”, as well as some traditional blogging. Hopefully this makes sense.
I truly have no clue, or experience in this sort of thing. Constructive feedback is always welcome.